He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
