So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
