woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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