The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
