I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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