I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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