the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
