Can Purell be used as lube?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
