were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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