grandma shit on top of the toilet
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
This is my gift to your gina
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
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