Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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