i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
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You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
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She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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