Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
we should paint friendship bongs
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