she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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