My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
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