The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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