i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
