He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
