i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
you win again, gameday.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Randomize
