I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
