With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
