My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
