i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
