Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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