my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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