if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
