Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You're a waste of cheezeits
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
