people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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