If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Randomize
