Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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