ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
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