Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
