I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
