Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
