Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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