My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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