your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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