Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
