the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
