Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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