got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
