dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
