Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
