So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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