Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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