I wanna passion pit in your ass
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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