from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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