Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
