That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize