If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just found a bag of teeth...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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