from now on my penis is your penis
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
