he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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