well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
