That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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