was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
