I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
