i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
