Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
