You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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