all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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