It's Friday. Sex?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
