it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
