Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
