Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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