nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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