k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
