Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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