last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
