You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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